Summer is over, and I have 15 pounds to lose. Plus or minus some. Plus, if I’m honest. This feels like a weird dieting reversal, since instead of dieting to lose weight for a new bathing suit, I am simply trying to fit into last year’s work wardrobe. So far, I have not met with success. Here are the lousy things I tried:
1. Not eating. This one resulted in feelings of dizziness and an even greater number of blonde moments than I already have. It was simply not a good long-term plan, anyway.
2. The Kanten Diet, otherwise known as a kind of seaweed, or in English, agar agar. It is expensive, and tastes like something that is literally indescribable. I tried making it with chocolate soy milk, juice and tea. It reached a 10 on the Nausea Scale every time. The article lied. I need to keep this one in mind as an appetite suppressant, however. One taste, and I’m certain any desire to eat would disappear. As a side note, the health store guy told me it was WAY better than eating nasty cow hooves, ie: regular gelatin. I’ll chow on cow hooves any day, dude.
3. Following this line of thinking, The Jello Diet. The idea here was that anytime I felt hungry, I would eat diet jello. Ha! Jello doesn’t come in Cheeto flavor, and anyway, it did nothing.
4. Drinking two liters of water a day. I really like Fiji water, but it costs about $10 a gallon. I did this for a month, and while I know that drinking water is good for you, I just ended up having to go to the restroom more often, which resulted in more frequent trips to the teacher’s lounge, and resulted in more doughnuts consumed.
5. Hanging a list of reasons to lose weight on the refrigerator. I would glance at Number 3, “Look hot in my red dress”, and begin to wonder when I am going to move to a town where there is nightlife. I would then get depressed and open up the refrigerator and consume an entire jar of olives. Hey, that monounsaturated fat is GOOD for you! Anyway, the list soon got covered up by my son’s spelling test, on which he got a 100!
6. Eating Lean Cuisines. Basically, you pay about a dollar more for less food, which means that you get hungry and pay more for more food later, like Almond M&Ms.
7. The Soup Diet. I tried this ploy to trick myself into eating more vegetables. Out of all of the things I have tried, this one was the most successful. Every Sunday, I cooked a huge pot of chicken soup, with as many different vegetables as I could cram into the pot. I then put it in individual containers and ate it for lunch at work every day. Sometimes I ate it for dinner, too. I lost a couple of pounds, but now I hate soup. Perhaps in a month or so I’ll give it another try.
8. Drinking too much caffeine. I am not supposed to drink any caffeine, because it increases my anxiety. I did lose my appetite, and left work early one day because I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that I was going to throw up. And my legs were shaking. Panic attacks are not the way I want to lose weight. Nope.
9. Signing up for the Sparkpeople diet site. I found a friend on there who I haven’t seen since high school! We’re getting together for lunch soon. Barbecue, anyone?
10. Looking at pro-anorexia sites for inspiration. I discovered that I simply don’t care as much as they do about my weight, and therefore could never find the patience to peel my grapes before I eat them. Anyway, I’d rather have my chi-chis than a collarbone that could cut someone.
I know, I know. It’s a lifestyle. I’m working on mine, hence the Wednesday postings on this subject. Next up: The Jello-Soup Diet.
And yes, I will continue to have contests. Look for one coming up soon!
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What? What are you talking about? Kanten is good stuff! It’s not nasty at all! If you don’t like it, you are not making it right! (Read: not adding enough sugar.)
Hooray for the 100% on the spelling test!
Sorry, can’t help you with the rest of it
Have you tried the small breakfast, small lunch, big dinner approach? You’re more likely to make do with less during the day if you have a big dinner to look forward to. Anyway, it worked for me, but everyone is different.
Got another one…start a blog and podcast with someone who makes you laugh. The public humiliation of weighing in live each Saturday has brought a 60lb weight loss for me!!! Also dieting has become fun - see http://www.middleageshed.co.uk …..
I highly recommend the Pocky diet…
Mine is the cigarette and vodka diet. But don’t tell my clients that.
Someone told me to try the Cabbage Soup Diet. I attempted it a few months ago. I purchased 2 cabbages, shredded them, and put them in a large dutch oven with onions and seasonings. Unfortunately what I got was cabbage mush which I threw away after eating a few spoonfuls. Also, every room smelled like boiled cabbage.
You could always come to my state which has Durham, the diet capital of the world. But you’ll have to pay about $9,000 for a 4-week stay!
I favor the tapeworm myself. I know a girl who went to Peru, ate some fruit and came back with one of those things inside of her. She lost 20 pounds in, like, a week or something. Problem was, the tapeworm got really fat.
She finally passed it in an all night toilet session.. is that TMI?
Congratulations to your son on his speling test! I wish I culd spel good!
I’m with you on the water and the caffeine ;)…..I am always curious how many people are aware of the Pro Ana sites. When I cover eating disorders in my developmental class we talk about them…not always sure if it is a good thing to let young girls know they are out there….but knowledge gives us the ability to make better decisions. Good luck with your 15 pounds
Hahaha… Cheetos Jello. If only.
I think just about every weight loss diet is flawed. The secret to getting slim and staying slim is to excercise regularly and eat healthy - not just for a month or so but all the time.
Most diets fail because the person fails to stick to them - and who can blame them, some diets leave you feeling hungry and lethargic too. It sounds cheesy but it has to be a way of life ie. you cant eat soup for two months and then go back to eating mcdonalds and kfa 3 times a week once you have lost the weight.
You should not eat a small breakfast and a larger dinner - it should be the other way around. In the morning your body has not had any fuel for at least 8-10 hours. This is when your body needs energy. Conversely, eating shortly before you sleep will result in the meal just sitting in your stomach all night and not getting burned off.
This is also the reason why starving yourself is very bad for losing weight. You should be eating small meals throughout the day - ie. eat less but eat more often. This increases your metabolic rate and makes you burn off calories more. The body goes into survival mode when you starve it so if you starve your body for a long period of time your body will store a lot of it as fat and not burn it off as it doesnt know when it will get fuel again.
My advice to anyone who is trying to lose weight is to excercise at least 3 times a week and drink a lot of water. Get a hobby if you can ie. take part in an activity which you enjoy and you will not grow bored of it. Also, cutting down on alcohol will help a lot too.
Also, start reading up on what your actually eating - fat content, calories etc. The ‘average’ female should be eating 2000 calories a day. Calories is just a measure of energy so if you cut out or burn off 3,500 calories you will lose 1lb of fat. Therefore, all things being equal etc, if you can cut out 500 calories a day from your diet (through healthier eating and excercise) you will lose 1lb of fat a week.
Remember though, doctors recommend not to lose more than 2lbs a week. If you lose a lot of weight at the one time there is an increased chance of it coming back on….losing it slowly is safer and will produce better long term results
Good luck,
Kevin
You forgot the Miracle Noodle Diet at http://www.miraclenoodle.com though it most definitely does not suck.
I’ve been trying a “diet” of my own design, eat what I want on the weekends, and eat marginally better on the weekdays. It’s been working quite well surprisingly!
I think I may have found my twin…this sounds like my issue…to make matters worse…I just read in a magazine, for a 5ft 4inch woman, you start at 99lbs, then for every inch over you add 4.4lbs. Which means, instead of only having to lose 10lbs, I now realized I need to lose 25lbs!
I am currently on the soup and salad diet. Everything else I eat in very small portions, I get one (2 this week)
cheat day a week. I haven’t lost much, but I am hopeful.
Have you tried the green tea diet? Green tea is supposed to suppress your hunger…? Someone also told me that grapefruit does wonders…I just don’t know!
Michelle, you’re pretty wonderful. Sorry I haven’t been by lately, I’m trying to…you know…do work while I’m at work these days. Ugh. =) Anyway, you know that your body loves you with the intensity of 10,000 burning suns, and it wants nothing more then for you to feel happy, giddy, sexy, and downright hot. It’s just living in a different era then you. I don’t want to drussle all over your pretty blog with ways to lose weight, but if you want another way to look at things…drop by and say hello sometime. =) tidings
Big Dinners make you gain more weight because you are not getting excersice b 4 bedtime and we dont burn many calories when we are sleeping. Therefor, it is recommended to eat a healthy size breakfast, a small lunch, a good snack (apple or some other fruit or veggie)and a sensible dinner.
Ouch I think that you have a great basis of a great diet on this post. Soup for veggies, drink water, eat seaweed stuff for minerals, eating smaller meals. The trouble is most diets are a one size fits all with really strict rules.
The best thing to do in a nutshell is to eat more smaller meals and drink some water in between each one. And don’t stress about the weight loss that will eventually come with that kind of plan
I like your approach Bloggrrl…
I believe the only thing a “diet” is good for is the *thrill* of cheating… In my opinion, and I think to your point, all diets suck.
The best thing I ever did is to start eating… a lot! I mean, eating healthy food multiple times a day.
Cheers!
Debbie