This morning, I received an email from a Reverend Nazirmoreh K. B. Kedem. This immediately raised a big red flag, and as my finger hovered over the delete button, my annoyance turned to alarm. In the email preview was my complete name! I opened the email, and things just got worse. Reverend Nazirmoreh has my real address as well!
Here is the text of the email, and for anyone who’s wondering, I am not making this up. Well, except for my address. 
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From the Office of Reverend Nazirmoreh K. B. Kedem (A.B.R.D.)
Nahziryah Monastic Community
Retreat for Meditation and Wholistic Living
Monastic EcoVillage
The Community of the Purple Lodge
Peace be with you Michelle Cepeda
E-mail Address(es):
myemail@gmail.com
The Reverend Nazirmoreh (A.B.R.D.) has received your transmission and thanks you very much for your order. A copy of your invoice is attached. The Reverend (A.B.R.D.) has instructed to transmit the below information concerning it’s status. PLEASE NOTE: the business name on your credit card statement will read CLOAK OF WISDOM for the amount of $15.50.
Michelle Cepeda
312 Pecan St
Small Town, TX 75961-5530
Shipment Date………….6/6/08
Mail Class…………….Priority Mail(R)
Signature Required……..No
Confirmation Number…….9701920521296540149343
Check the package status with Stamps.com:
In Truth, In Light, In Love
Peace be with you and All, in All
From The Office of Reverend Nazirmoreh K. B. Kedem (A.B.R.D.)
Nahziryah Monastic Community
Nazir Art Crafts/ Cloak of Wisdom
True Scents Offerings
870-449-4381
www.nmcnews.org/catalogs.html
Yes, it appears that I have ordered a “Cloak of Wisdom” for only $15.50. Oh, I wish that were the case. Gone would be the days of sticking my foot in my mouth at seriously conducted meetings. I would no longer date men without transportation or jobs. I might even be able to hang out a shingle and advertise my services as a “Wisdom Counselor”, which surely would bring in as much money as life counseling. Not that I do life counseling. I’d never subject people to such a calamity.
It’s not a Cloak of Wisdom, but something that may be useful, nonetheless. A few days ago, I read a fascinating article about how frankincense has relaxing properties and immediately googled “frankincense” and ordered some the resin and incense.
I get a little anxious sometimes. So now, I’m picturing myself chilling in my house at night, listening to Gregorian chants and getting stoned on frankincense instead of stressing out because I forgot to get the refill for the dog’s urinary track infection.
The misspelling of “holistic” bothers me, but other than that, it’s just a really, really unique email confirming my purchase. I imagine this is what confirmation emails would read like if one could procure LSD with one-click ordering.
So don’t hit that delete button too fast. A reverend just might be trying to hook you up with those scented candles you ordered, or that new dinette set.
Peace out, yall.
That’s funny! I’m not sure what frankincense actually smells like, but when people around you ask what that smell is, just tell them it’s your cloak of wisdom. One time I almost ordered this stuff called Liquid Trust but I’m not sure if it would work or if I’d want it too.
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@Emma: I don’t know what it smells like either, but it could smell like eau de catbox and I wouldn’t care. As long as it creates that nice chill-out vibe…
Wow, talk about a freaky moment…until you read the rest of the email. As a matter of practice, I generally at least scroll through even those fake emails before deleting them for this very reason, you never know when something may be not a junk-mail message!
Michelle:
I love the smell of frankincense. It’s very earthy and sort of musky. In the past I’ve used either the fragrance or the essential oil. I put 3-4 drops mixed with about 20 drops of water and heat it in my oil warmer with tea light candles. Mmmn it’s great.
If you like the smell you may find that it’s relaxing. I used to burn it at night before going to bed. As a matter of fact, after reading this post I pulled out my accouterments and am now luxuriating in their fragrance.
If you don’t like the way your frankincense smells shoot me a line and I’ll give you my inside source for essential oils and everything aromatherapish. Chanya’s last blog post..Getting Links: Sniffing Out .Edu Comment links
Between the Nigerians and the people offering me enhancement products, I would have just deleted this one. It would make it even easier if the Nigerians started selling enhancement products - but that’s another story.
I had to comment on a comment: “eau de catbox” gave me a good chuckle. Good stuff, Michelle.
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I had a similar one sent to me awhile ago, only they were threatening to kill me if I didn’t pay… classic. (I wrote about it on my blog: sodblog.com)
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