Because their is a paucity of informative lists on the Internet, I have written the following for your edification. People are often confused by the word “friend” and make the mistake of thinking their dog is just like them. In fact, some people do indeed resemble their dogs. However, don’t fall for it. Just because your dog can play Frisbee does not mean that it should vote.
1. People do not lick their own crotches.
People cannot reach their crotches with their mouths. This is why we are able to grow crops, build houses, marry and have a Starbucks on every corner in town. God in His great wisdom was very clever when He made this an impossible task for people. Especially men.
2. People do not eat cat poo.
Ever.
3. Dogs are not good at talking on the phone.
Thank goodness. Rambo wouldn’t be your best friend if he was running up your Cingular bill, would he?
4. People get sick when they eat a pound of raw hamburger meat.
Does anyone understand the reason why dogs can eat cat poo and raw meat and not end up puking for weeks on end? Anyone? I have always found this to be one of life’s great mysteries.
5. Dogs can stick their heads out of car windows.
If you hang your head out the window of your car with your tongue flapping in the wind, you will not look all cool and relaxed. People look so dumb when they do this.
6. They cannot play musical instruments.
There is a reason that dogs are not in the National Symphony Orchestra.
7. They hate cats.
Well, most of them. And actually, some people hate cats too. Nevermind.
8. People who sniff other people’s butts at the park are perverts.
They also get arrested. Dogs don’t. If you are jealous of this fact, then you are a pervert too. Actually, dogs get to do lots of things in public that people are not allowed to do. Dogs get to dig holes. They can jump in creeks, get out, and get everyone within a 5 mile radius wet. They get to eat yummy food right off the ground, and no one looks at them all weird.
9. People have opposible thumbs.
Dogs do not. If they did, they wouldn’t not be known as Man’s Best Friend. They would be called Man’s Little Helper. Rambo, get in there and do the dishes. Now! Go boy! Do the dishes! Where is genetic engineering when you need it?!?
I’ll bet you wish you had a dog to enter this contest for you. Since your dog can’t type, why don’t you do it yourself? Come on. Atta boy!
To The Dog People: I have a dog. These are just things I am thinking about. Don’t take this too seriously. Please.
LMAO! Another classy post filled with hilarity. You are not alone with wondering about #4, I think about this all the time. Also, how did (or do) cannibals not get sick when eating raw human flesh and inners? Or did they puke their brains out?
Another shocking life mystery.
Funny stuff . . . good writing.
Wasn’t there a rumor going around that Marilyn Manson could.. “lick his own crotch” beause he had ribs removed? Yeah, ok, that’s a gross image. Sorry for that.
Dood, even though you have a dog, the “dog people” might come get you for this one!
Very funny.
“some people hate cats”
heh, but I think most cats hate people though!
This is hilarious. We own two dogs and two cats. We refuse to let any of them vote, even though two of our pets are probably Democrats and we need all the votes we can get.
Hey, if you want to have your links open in a new browser window or tab, all you have to do is type this into your html code: ” TARGET=”_blank”>
Type it after the end quotes right at the end of your url (and then check to make sure you haven’t got double formatting anywhere because the double quotes make the html very cranky.)
Are you sure about number 2? It sounds disgusting to me, but I remember seeing on CNN a few years ago a story about a new coffee (which was actually very expensive too) which had cat poo in it. I am not kidding, you can look it up.
Oh Lord have mercy, you are right. The awful story is here.
This doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop trying to bite the mailman.
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