Just Another Writer

Photo by: MargaretFun

I promised, in the interest of fairness, that I would follow up my article on how to spot a psycho woman at ten paces with one about the guys. And boy are they out there too. In an ideal world, only the Psycho Women and Real Jerks would meet, marry and breed. However, this isn’t the way it seems to work, although there are notable exceptions. Ladies, here are some ways that you can spot a Real Jerk.

1. He tries to get you to drink more, and faster, than you’d prefer. Wasn’t peer pressure supposed to have subsided in high school? In the Real Jerk’s world, no. There are only two reasons why the Real Jerk wants you to drink a lot, and it probably isn’t the second one, which would be that he is hoping you’ll grow a pair of beer googles so that you won’t notice his overabundance of nose hair.

2. He checks out other girls in a noticeable manner. Yeah, guys don’t go blind when they meet you and all that, but checking out the other chickies is just rude. And rudeness is a sign of a Real Jerk. One Real Jerk once confided to me that he would check out girls who were obviously already with someone at the club, just to see who would give him some attention back, thus dissing her partner. Issues, perhaps?

3. He is selfish. This is probably covered by the other seven, but it bears emphasizing. A Real Jerk cares about himself, and himself only. He may profess to care that you get home safely, but only so he can get an invitation inside. He may say that he cares about his mother, but only so that he can use seeing her as his cover for meeting another girl on the sly.

4. He cheats. Real Jerks will give all sorts of reasons for their cheating, but the bottom line is that no person of integrity cheats. Apparently, many women believe that a) he was drunk and couldn’t help it, b) he thought you had broke up with him, c) he ran into his ex-girlfriend and one thing just led to another, d) you aren’t exciting enough–you know, taking care of the baby and all. The sad thing is that women seem to believe these (and many other) lame excuses. Did the Real Jerk give them a partial lobotomy on that night they drank the entire bottle of wine? Come on ladies, ignorance is not bliss. Especially when you start to itch down there.

5. He is stingy. A Real Jerk will not hesitate to plunk down the bucks for a Wii for his own entertainment, but may insist upon splitting the bill at Subway. Or he may pay the bill at a nice restaurant, but want another form of payment in return. The Real Jerk couldn’t find the word “generosity” in a children’s dictionary.

6. He tries to make you feel inadequate about yourself. Once, I bemoaned an extra 10 pounds I had gained. The guy I was with, a DJ with more contacts than looks, said, “Then I don’t have to worry about other guys looking at you as much.” That was the end of that. I knew better. Any man who comments in a negative way on his partner’s intelligence, looks, choices, etc. is a Real Jerk unless it is in the context of a one-time loving, concerned conversation.

7. He treats the waiter rudely. Hopefully, you will witness this on the very first date and can get the hell out of there. Anyone who is rude to a service person is, well, rude. It is a sad statement on that individuals sense of self when they have to put down someone who is trying to make an honest living in a misguided way to make themselves look better. Also, anyone with a grain of sense would know that being snotty to a waiter makes them look like a Real Jerk.

8. He talks about himself almost all the time. This tells you what his main interest is. The Real Jerk. Not you, not your friends, not the environment, politics or anything meaningful. He is the center of his own world. I suggest moving to another galaxy.

I’m sure there are many, many traits that I have missed. The thing is, you know. Don’t you?