A while back, I read an article entitled,40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women. If this is not enough to make a man want to embrace celibacy, I don’t know what is. Of course, what gives it a high “ouch” factor is that some of it is actually true. Reading it, I thought about how some of these things also apply in the blogging world. For example:
1. Not kissing first. Some of you folks out there, and you know who you are, hit people up with links before even saying hi first. Come on. What kind of skank gives it up before even kissing? Jeez. You are put on our mental “Avoid This Creep” list.
2. Ignoring the other parts of her body. Yes, you need to be focused in your niche, if that’s what your gig is. Still, keep in mind that your readers have other needs besides inhaling pure knowledge. They may need to laugh, see a picture or video and, most importantly, feel that they matter to you. Don’t have, um, tunnel vision.
3. Stopping for a break. Unless you are really, really good, we are not going to pick up where we left off. And probably not even if you are that good. So make sure you are posting regularly.
4. Undressing her awkwardly. It looks bad when you are caressing your code and your blog looks jacked up all of the time. It is a sure sign of inexperience. We all have to start somewhere, though, and I am certainly guilty of this myself, being the code virgin that I am. But people do notice.
5. Talking dirty. Moving right along…
6. Going too fast. Many of you are writing about how to install plug-ins, change templates and other geek things. Usually, your directions don’t make any sense to non-coders. Go slow, and make sure your reader enjoys the experience. Plug-ins. Heh.
7. Coming too soon. Don’t think that your reader gets any pleasure out of those posts that take 10 seconds to read. Recite the state capitals in your head so that you last longer.
8. Not coming soon enough. No one wants to read 2000 words about how interesting the Alexa ranking system is. No one.
9. Making her ride on top for ages. Guest blogging is a great thing, and it is always interesting to see new writing on a blog. Just don’t do it very often. Make sure you are doing some work too.
10. Taking pictures. One or two pictures is fine. Lots of pictures is usually not, unless you are a photoblogger or showing a tutorial. It makes it appear as though you are too lazy to write.
11. Not being imaginative enough. I’ve mentioned the importance of experimentation before. Don’t write the same old blah blah. Mix it up a bit.
So there you have it. Enough information to make you feel insecure about your blog for at least a week. Check back later for my article entitled, Why People Really Hate You, And 7 Reasons That Will Never Change. Have a great Sunday!
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Information Improvisation
Gardens can be made a place for entertainment and relaxation by building garden sheds and adding a few swings and swing set accessories. It can be made into a place where children can play frisbee and hand ball without destroying the garden. The garden can be protected by building them in patio garden styles and also in top gardening patio so they kept out of reach of invaders and are not ruined.
I love this because it’s so true!
One suggestion:
http://www.sk-rt.com
Go here, sign up and present this blog. Lots of women to read and appreciate your work. Oh yes. It’s a women’s only place.
Great post.
@frenchkys: If only it wasn’t….
@Theresa: Wow, love that site. Thanks! I submitted my own post…hopefully that wasn’t a no-no.
lmfao. There’s only one word for this…
absolute genius.
ha ha ha ha… too funny girl
enjoyed the read and soooooooo true.
Hugs and Kisses Blgrrr girly.
Frank
perfect juxtaposition. it’s a brilliant way of re-imagining this list. it made me think about my blogging style.
Brilliant post, Michelle. Why do I feel strangely aroused after reading it? Perhaps I’m harboring some deep seated and dangerously incestuous feelings towards my blog
Metablog-Erotica. I want more. ^_^
Pfft. Women.
Always so picky.
I hope you make MILLIONS of this funny, brilliant shit!! xx, JP
Frakking brilliant!
– f
Thanks for the reply!
Your blog is really entertainig.Makes for a fun read.
Jesse
http://jesseblogs.blogspot.com
Thanks for the reply!
Your blog is really entertaining.Makes for a fun read.
Jesse
http://jesseblogs.blogspot.com
I just found your blog and I really enjoyed reading it! Your writting is brilliant!
[...] The article in question is titled 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes In Bed, and uses sex as a metaphor for blogging. [...]
[...] In case you want to have some blogging pleasure over the weekend and continue to enjoy great relationship with your readers who cannot resist coming back for more and more, do bear in mind these 11 tips from Michelle Sepeda. [...]
Laughed til I choked on my coffee… ah, but ain’t it the truth! And we’re all guilty of one thing or another, from time to time (”caressing your code” *chortle*) so good to get a gentle slap upside the head… with such good humour!
This is an absolute bloody classic. Sassy, informative, and great reading. (looking deeply into your eyes) You deserve a copywriting logie for this. Maybe I will check for signs of a kiss in the next couple of visits.
Oh no I have just seen you kisses section. I’d didn’t mean to be so presumptuous. Maybe I’ll see you around and then try later for a kiss.
Great article! I have to admit often I make many of the mistakes myself. Now I know what to watch out for. Excellent post
Haha! Absolutely brilliant! Thank you for this.
[...] I just found a fantastic Blog… Bloggrrl. She’s witty, irreverent, smart, and funny. She’s offering $50 bucks in an Online Cow Pattiy Bingo. I had to enter, it’s too funny to resist. I also have to mention her post 11 Mistakes your Blog Makes in Bed… it brought a smile to my face. Michelle is a school teacher and a single mom and I wish her the best in her blogging adventure. The thing I like the most about her blog, is that it’s a bit dangerous. [...]
You know all these things are so true. I am glad you said it!
Your suggestion about mixing it up is very good, not just for readers, but writers too. Doesn’t it get boring and a little stressful to be “business like” all the time, a catagory or link section just for jokes and entertainment can help even the blogger have some fun.
[...] Daniel at The Wrong Advices pointed to another blog, Bloggrrl, where the author used sex as a metaphor for blogging. He also added his two cents, which makes it a nice read on both blogs. [...]
waha, this is funny but sounds so true
11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes in Bed is HILARIOUS!!
Great article, and way to go!!
Kathleen
MarginsXs.com
[...] This July, Bloggrrl is running a contest. It is so easy that everyone just has to participate so as not to lose out. To join, just write up a post linking to Bloggrrl’s Cow Patty Bingo contest and the mention your favorite post on the blog. My current favorite is 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes In Bed. [...]
You are so creative! I’m gonna have to add your site to my feed now.
[...] Hi, I’m BizGrrl. I’ve been hanging out in the background for a while watching my obscene counterpart write about sex under the thin guise of blogging advice. However, I am the one who has the master’s degree and experience with running a business and fund-raising. Just in case you are interested in something besides sex, I thought I’d add my two cents to this website, so here goes! [...]
[...] Blogging → Bloggrl tells us 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes In Bed. [...]
I truly enjoyed that Michelle. Thanks.
“No one wants to read 2000 words about how interesting the Alexa ranking system is. No one.”
[...] Bloggrrl. Most “How to blog” blogs are boring and repetitive and clearly only after the google hits themselves. Bloggrrl does things much more entertainingly though. Here she talks about how we make the same mistakes in blogging as we do in sex. Published by Dan July 12th, 2007 in Mini blog. [...]
[...] To increase your chances, just mention your favorite Bloggrrl post. My personal favorite is 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes In Bed. Linking to Bloggrrl’s contest and your favorite Bloggrrl post will get your TWO entries into the sweepstakes. I believe you can enter as many times as you wish as long as you submit original posts in different blogs. [...]
[...] BlogGrrl 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes in Bed. Michelle is an absolutely hilarious fresh voice in the how-to-blog world. Her ‘11 Mistakes’ is destined to become a web classic. [...]
[...] I came to know about Bloggrrl.com when I was over at Review.net sometime ago when Pablo said some blonde (she looks blonde to me) is teaching us about 11 mistakes that our blogs make in bed. Eager to know what are the mistakes as I pride my blog to be a blardy good “blogger” in bed, I headed over just to find out and maybe prove her wrong. Michelle must be real attracted to that mighty fine tummy of mine in all it’s naked glory lying on her MyBogLog widget that she paid this blog a visit the next day. She caught me in the midst of starting this free feature column and she offered that particular post to be featured. However, I felt she deserve more than an article featured. Her whole blog should be featured. [...]
it’s no surprise that ahpek choose to feature u… absolutely brilliant… creatively done.
[...] The third little blog was a serious sort of fellow who in another fairy tale would have went to business school. He carefully chose a hosting company that many other blogs had recommended. After looking at many themes, he chose the one that would best meet his needs. He then sat down and proceeded to write many, many pages of quality content, making certain to include cornerstone posts that would provide flagship content forever. [...]
[...] Her latest article on three little blogs is a very good example of creative meta-blogging. Don’t forget to check out her popular post about the 11 mistakes your blog makes in bed. Once upon a time there were three little blogs. They collectively decided that it was time to leave blogspot.com and move on to their very own domains. The first little blog was very lazy, and had somewhat of a “get rich quick” mentality… [...]
What a find, a sexy, funny blog about blogging–kinda like mine! Your content is so good, and I finally found a blogger who makes me laugh. I’ve faved you and linking you. Bloggrrl…you’ve inspired me.
Informative and humorous. Jeez, wish I could write like that.
No mention of Viagra or Cialis spam, I don’t know if I’m impressed or disappointed about that. *L*
I found your blog via doshdosh and love the articles. I have added your feed to my reader and am looking forward to more great stuff in the future.
as to this post I have made a few of these mistakes starting out. it is a very good list of things to avoid. thanks for the tips.
This is another cute and useful post. I think I will get addicted to this blog! :)))
Regards,
William
Brilliant! Love the way you write, very original. Refreshing too! Thanks.
Lol.. How true! Hmm, maybe you should mention about Spam filter aka condom here too. Lol. Jk!
very good indeed, and very true, but pictures ! it often so nice when u can show your buddies :p
[...] So anyway, Kabitzin did this “Is Your Blog Good in Bed?” thing the other day (itself based on another post based on a NSFW article), and since I liked the idea of it rather a lot, I decided to shamelessly copy and begin this week’s round-up by seeing how Azure Flame measures up in the STRAIGHT department. [...]
Is it wrong that I got aroused reading this post???
[...] This first link talks about blog etiquette. This post can be most appreciated only after reading this article which explains 40 mistakes men make while having sex with woman. [...]
I love it! Brilliant, I’ll try to adhere to these in future.
Any tips as of now? http://mbhoy.com
- Matt
Whoa ..these things are so true and my blog is guilty of most of them. I’ll try to keep these tips in mind but it probably won’t help because I AM LAZY.
[...] Look at the structure of articles you enjoy and duplicate it using your own content. This is how I got the idea for 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes in Bed. Likewise, if you see some content out there that you can do better, go for it. You can put your own spin on anything. Ultimately, it is your voice and perspective that make your blog unique more than anything else. 5.Read books. [...]
Nice analogy
[...] para finalizar, um artigo da Michelle, lá do Blogrrl, que gosta de se ocupar com «dicas e metablogging»: 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes In Bed. No [...]
[...] of articles you enjoy and duplicate it using your own content. This is how I got the idea for 11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes in Bed. Likewise, if you see some content out there that you can do better, go for it. You can put your [...]
That was the funniest / most informative post I have read in a while in the blogosphere.
Fanastic post!
Found you from doshdosh and when i read humorous posting style, i never expected this much! This is stunning! Me and my friends cudnt stop laughing. Surely its the 11 mistakes my blog made in bed
I am subscribing to your feeds now. I am loving your writing style..
this a just an awesome post, i will be using those tips.
found you on entrecard and you are definitely a new favorite!
- runs to the feed
slashninja’s last blog post..a different gordon freeman
Fairly new to blogging. Great post! Had me smiling all the way through it. Keep up the good work and attitude.
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