There’s a new study that just came out that shows that blogging causes significant weight gain. It was published just two minutes ago, in my head, and had a sample size of one. It demonstrated conclusively that one summer of blogging caused the participant to gain fifteen pounds.
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In this study, the participant utilized a laptop and wireless internet connection to create a blog. The participant spent most of the time on the sofa, often with strawberry Pocky nearby. Despite an average of one hour of swimming laps or walking per day, and the frenzied activity of phalanges typing posts into WordPress and passwords into social networking sites, the overall inactivity exhibited by the participant caused a metabolic decline of approximately three Pocky sticks per hour. The participant had this to say in her interview with the author of the study:
They say that your butt becomes ‘one with the couch’. I say that my butt became a couch.
The ethics of this study were questionable. The participant found that she had to buy a new wardrobe for work, which negated any earnings from her blog. She is also suffering from Pocky withdrawal, in addition to withdrawal from all other refined carbohydrates. She also has registered complaints about having to go to the gym during the busy period after work, which means that all of the treadmills with the television screens are taken, causing the participant to suffer from extreme boredom.
The implications of the study are twofold. First, bloggers must consider that for each hour spent online, caloric intake must be adjusted and brought into alignment with the caloric requirements of an individual who is in a state of REM sleep. Second, and perhaps most importantly, the ability to blog must become more easily integrated into activities that create a higher ratio of Pocky/lean muscle tissue.
This can be accomplished by implementing some of the following recommendations:
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1. Bloggers can utilize voice recognition software, thus enabling them to blog while driving, cleaning the house, and having sex. It is entirely possible that live sex blogging may create increased caloric burn while simultaneously creating more ad revenue.
2. Blogging tools, such as a large monitor and ergonomic keyboard, should be widely available. Shopping carts are a good example of how blogging could authentically enter the public domain. This would also increase user satisfaction by giving bloggers the ability to blog in real-time about store specials or the inherent evil of Wal-mart.
3. Bloggers should meet each other and have sex, which burns 150 calories per 14.9 minutes. The social aspect of blogging and weight gain should not be discounted. The participant found that her propensity to eat Pocky decreased directly in proportion to the distance of an attractive male. The participant noted that attractive males were a rarity in the vicinity of her couch, which perhaps accounted for some of the increase in adipose tissue.
The study was cut short by a period of three days, when upon weighing herself, the participant used her lower extremities to inflict blunt force trauma on the weighing device, causing its components to break into small pieces on a tile floor.
Fifteen pounds, eh?
So one summer of blogging is equivalent to one whole freshman year in college.
I’m scared!! You know, it actually helps to get up and walk around every hour or so…to get the brain juices going. Ugh, but sometimes I wonder if my butt is getting wider because I’m sitting on it all day. It’s a good thing my little one (who is almost 1!) keeps me busy.
thanks for the laughs, i’m sitting at my real job surfing around and this brought a smile to my face.
“3. Bloggers should meet each other and have sex, which burns 150 calories per 14.9 minutes.” -very funny, i laughed out loud and some of my co workers looked at me and asked what i was laughing at.
15 pounds that quickly? Wow … I never would have thought that Pocky could do such a thing. Then again, it’s been proven that drinking two Venti Vanilla Latte’s from Starbucks every day for three months will add 4 inches to the waist, and take almost 4 digits from the bank account. I learned this the hard way….
This is hilarous! Pocky sounds dangerously attractive, luckily it is unavailable in New Zealand. Social blogging sex does sound good for calorie loss but as there only seem to be 3 bloggers in my country, I might pass unless a plugin is available.
[...] my favorite blogs and I came across a post that got my attention immediately. The post was called New study shows blogging causes weight gain and is written by Michelle from Bloggrrl. In the post she talks about the study that they took, her [...]
Hahaaahaa! Dug it - http://digg.com/offbeat_news/New_Study_Shows_Blogging_Causes_Weight_Gain
I am afraid of the word “pocky” and have no idea why strawberries would associate with it.
Well if blogging will really help me gain weight then I’m all for it.
What a great read! Having to battle weight issues myself, stories like these always remind me that I am not alone in fighting the battle of the bulge!
Cheers!
Skunky
LOL!!
Another Gem! I think this one may be on it’s way! Hope so, you deserve it.
Dugg and Stumbled
I am gaining weight as well! Oh man!
The recommendation is so funny!
OMG!! That’s priceless
That was hilarious! Another interesting read from bloggrrl.com!
Right there with ya. 15 freaking pounds which I will now how to beat off of my body because I’m forty-something and all weight seems to be here to stay.
I am starting to think that this blogging gig is maybe some sort of insidious Borg-like mind control addictive… um… thing. I’d try to find an appropriate simile but I need to go find out what Pocky is.
This was truly hilarious, though. But you can add me to your numbers…
Your right about the weight gain. I’ve gained 20 pounds.
As to Mr.Sir…sounds like love to me. Think about it, you could kill two birds with one stone. Burn some calories and shut him up at the same time…
Me too - three years ago I was too thin, and now I need to lose 25 pounds. The majority of it I gained this year. And I bought one of those trashy magazines you suggested, but all it inspired me to do was eat and cry.
Michelle! I love your bloglings, this just made my day =) Strawberry pocky is DELICIOUS!
Hope you don’t mind if I link this with my Weight Loss Wednesday post…it just seemed to fit
I’ve often thought, about the voice recognition software. But, the sex while blogging may be too much.
I gave you a stumble.
I love it! Fantastic post, as always!
That explains why I have a hard time getting out of my office chair? And the crumbs encrusted on my keyboard.
Definitely interesting to think about while blogging. The sex facts were interesting too. A mix of both is never a bad thing (as long as kept separate).
I’ve been thinking the exact same thing! I don’t know how many pounds or inches I have gained, but this definitely the squishiest I have ever been. Despite jumping jacks, skateboarding to and from lunch, and other erratic behaviors. I have been longing for the Dragon voice-recognition software so I can practice kung fu or tai chi or something while blogging. I like your idea about a live sex blog, that has quite a bit of potential!
Bloggrrl Rocks - with or without 15 added pounds! So frickin’ awesome. I think you should earn a Ph.D. for this study. Bravo, JP
Hahaha! Fu8king hilarious. Think you better add me to that ’study’. My butt is the luscious size of a sofa and two beanbags. Yum!
Well if you’ve been eating nothing but Pocky’s then I’m not surprised.
From fifteen pounds, how much is gained because of blogging itself and how much because of commenting the posts of other weight-gaining bloggers?
So THAT’s what caused my butt to get so big this summer! Thanks for figuring it out for me.
Awesome post, sad to see it didn’t front-page on Digg. Let me know the next time you have a great one like this and I’ll gladly submit it for you
Hahahaaaa…. love no.3
bloggers should meet and have sex! I won’t worry about loosing calories if that happens.
Sucks if you have multiple blogs! And sex while blogging… if you’re able to do it, something’s not right.
[...] UPDATE: I may be on to something. Bloggrrl shares my plight. [...]
[...] New Study Shows Blogging Causes Weight Gain [...]
I blog while swimming in the ocean. The sharks chase me around and “This Burns Calories”. I always wear a Speedo with the Blogger icon on the rear.
A man who loves chicken, Speedcat Hollydale
A mere 15 pounds! Sissy! I have that person beat by five pounds and an azz that looks like a loveseat!
Adrienne Zurub
author of,
‘Notes From the Mothership ~ The Naked Invisibles’
due out November 2007
http://chasewunderlickpublishers.com.cn
Thank you so much for that! Too funny! ROTFLMAO
[...] Those of you working from home are especially at risk. Yesterday, I had to buy a new chair, because I kept getting stuck in the old one. And Bloggrrl has confessed that her butt actually became the couch this summer. [...]
I laughed myself silly over this post…it is so true and although I am a health and fitness coach I have to remind myself to get up and away from my computer (blogging), off the phone (talking to clients) and out of the house (before my legs go numb on me). Thanks for a good laugh!
[...] admin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptFrom fifteen pounds, how much is gained because of blogging itself and how much because of commenting the posts of other weight-gaining bloggers? [...]
[...] markrox wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptFrom fifteen pounds, how much is gained because of blogging itself and how much because of commenting the posts of other weight-gaining bloggers? [...]
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptadmin wrote an interesting post today onHere’sa quick excerptFrom fifteen pounds, how much is gained because of blogging itself and how much because of commenting the posts of other weight-gaining bloggers? […] [...]
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