Just Another Writer

My World, My Opinion…

Monthly Contest: Win $50 Playing Cow Patty Bingo June 29, 2007

Filed under: Things You're No Longer Interested In — Just another writer... @ 1:50 pm

What the heck?

In the Southern US, and probably in several other places as well, we have a game called, “Cow Patty Bingo”. Here’s how it works. Using spray paint, someone makes a numbered grid on a small piece of fenced-in land. People buy numbers, and then sit back and wait to see which number the cow puts its pie on. In other words, people get really worked up about cow shit. Of course, cow shit is not the prize. The prize is usually something typical like an electronic device, tickets or money. I’m going to go with money.

So how do you play Cow Patty Bingo online? It’s pretty easy. Actually, it’s easy for both of us, since I don’t have to walk out into the steaming dishwasher that we call a climate around here with brain-cell-exploding spray paint. In fact, I’m going to do away with the whole grid/number bit all together. Actually, there won’t even be any cow shit. Why am I calling this contest Cow Patty Bingo? Well, that is just what happens when your creativity muse gets drunk and wakes you up at 3 am with “great ideas”. In other words, I don’t know.

How do I enter?

All you have to do is mention this contest with a link to this post on your site. If you mention one of your favorite articles as well, that will count as two entries. Simple. This contest will run until July 31st, at which point we will begin playing strip poker.

And the cow???

So where does the cow come in? I have found someone who is willing to be the cow. Introducing…the brave and beautiful Barb, from one of my favorite blogs, So The Thing Is…Blog.

I am a little pissed off at how good Barb looks in a cow costume. It makes me feel a little bit better that she has to put up with people who behave like “arrogant snot”. At least there is some justice in this world.

How do you choose the winner?

After you have linked to the contest, I will assign a random number to the trackback. I will give you an additional number if you decide to mention a post on this site. Then I will send our cash cow the numbers and she will choose one. The contest ends on July 31 at midnight in Texas.

The winner, in addition to getting the $50, will also enjoy a permanent spot of recognition on my Contest page.

What about runner-ups?

There will be five disgruntled runner-ups. These individuals will be recognized for their participation by being linked to in the Contest Winner!!!!! post.

This one is the easy contest. On August 1st, we are going to play strip poker!

Muchas gracias to Benjamin Cass for helping me with the photo!
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Information Improvisation

The Microsoft windows are a solution for everybody these days for getting things done. A computer without windows is a bunch of wires and nothing else. A window hardware is available at any computer hardware shop but which window questions is still very confusing to decide as all of them provide great benefits to its users. For the convenience of users researchers decore window options and they also do window replacement to provide the consumers with the best options available.

 

9 Absolute Essentials For A Popular Blog June 28, 2007

Filed under: Metablogging — Just another writer... @ 4:38 pm

    1. Join

    Technorati
    Stumbleupon
    Del.icio.us
    MyBlogLog
    Digg
    Reddit
    MySpace
    Facebook
    Linked In

    and ALL OF THESE.

    Be sure to be an active participant of each community and make lots of “friends”.

    2. Make a Squidoo Lens about your blog.

    You can then comment on other people’s Squidoo lenses about their blogs, thus driving more traffic to your site. Become an expert about your blog.

    3. Comment on lots of other blogs.

    Ideally, it is best if you only comment on blogs that are more popular than your own. Make sure that you leave “meaningful and relevant” comments so that you don’t look like a spammer. Rapidly become exhausted and outsource your commenting to India.

    4. Participate in bulletin board discussions.

    Include a link to all 23 of your blogs in your signature. Again, you don’t want to look like a spammer, so make certain to be present in the community on a regular basis, and leave “meaningful and relevant” messages. Perhaps your personal assistant in India can help you out with this one as well.

    5. Submit your site to 55 Active RSS Directories

    .

    You know all that fun you’ve been wanting to have with your blog? Well this is it.

    6. Monetize your site.

    Readers really hate blank space. Fill it up with adsense and affiliate advertising. Blinking ads are especially fun as they keep your readers awake. Make sure that you also insert advertising into every post. Write about products and then “cleverly” insert an affiliate link. Do not write about or link to another blog unless they have paid you. This is especially good advice for people who have just began to post. Here are 22 affiliate networks to help you accomplish this goal.

    7. Put a Flickr photo album on your site.

    Pictures of Florida are cool, and people will be back for more. If you are hot, then don’t bother. You don’t need the harassment.

    8. Write some really good stuff.

    Detailed explanations about your house’s plumbing problems are good.

    9. Have a contest.

    Giving away money so that you will be popular always works. You can also give away your belongings, thus saving you the hassle of a yard sale. This also gives you the opportunity to buy iPods for people you don’t know. Doesn’t it feel good to do nice things for others?

    If these tips fail, you can always move to Chad and be popular there.

    Did I forget anything?

 

Anchor Text: What I Have Been Doing Wrong For 4 Years June 27, 2007

Filed under: Metablogging — Just another writer... @ 11:21 pm

I keep seeing contests that require a backlink to their sites using “anchor text” such as “make money online” in order to enter. Sadly, I had no earthly idea what this was until today. Four years of blogging, and making my links look like this instead of like the make money at home text it could be.

I thought I was being smooth.

Apparently, this entire time, Google has been ignoring my little words and moving right along to those more whorish sites. The unfortunate bottom line? Using anchor text will make your site rank higher in the search engines.

Here are five things you can do:

    1. Use words that are relevant to your site in your anchor text.

    2. Hope that others who are linking to you are doing the same. These are the backlinks.

    3. Ask others to do the same. This is really annoying, so you might want to tell them that they can earn money online.

    4. Use anchor text to link back to yourself so that you can make money online. Before I learned this little goody, I would have anchored the words “link back to yourself”. I still may do that sometimes, because apparently, using spammy-looking anchor text too often can make your writing suck.

    5. Do not use the same anchor text repeatedly throughout your site, as the search engine spiders will see a web that doesn’t fit their algorhythm and eat you for dinner.

    Next, How To Cure Depression After Discovering That Page Views And Unique Visitors Are NOT The Same Thing.

 

Everybody’s Worst Blogging Nightmares June 26, 2007

Filed under: Metablogging — Just another writer... @ 5:57 pm

You know you’ve thought about it. See if you’re in the same boat with 99.3 percent of the blogging population.

1. Writer’s block hits. Your blog ends up with these:


    You Are Big Black Boots!


    You can be best described as: attitude
    You’ve got lots of it - and you love to give it
    A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you
    But if he’s your type, you’ll warm up… a little

That pesky identity crisis I’ve been having is now solved. Thank you, Blogthings, for saving me thousands in additional therapy.

2. Your blog takes 10 minutes to load and no one tells you.

All of those widgets you have? They are cool, but I’ll never see them because the 75 you have on your site is seriously slowing you down. I can’t let you know because my computer crashes every time I try to visit. Blogs like this one really suck because of this shit.

3. Someone who hates you forwards your blog’s URL to your boss.

You are fired, and the local paper ends up having a field day writing articles like Local Schoolteacher Writes Internet Porn. You are only making $2.04 per day from your blog. You’ll have to move to Chad to makes ends meet.

4. Your SO finds your blog.

That post you wrote about him always leaving his dental floss lying on the bathroom counter and how his back is too damn hairy but you stay with him anyway because he bought you a new car is now regrettable. Move to Chad.

5. Someone finds out that you are not hot.

Your entire Internet cover is blown. The guy with the six-pack whose pictures you stole from MySpace finds out and is royally pissed. You are sued for defamation of character. You actually weigh 436 pounds and wear the same underwear three days in a row. The whole blogosphere is disgusted with you and your neighbors laugh and point. Enjoy those 15 minutes of fame! Chad awaits.

6. You do not become wealthy.

You’d better set that alarm clock. Your nine-to-fiver awaits you. You will not be living in the mansion you have “visualized into existence”. The visualization expert is living there.

And now…the most scary of them all…

7. No one reads your blog.

This may be because of numbers 1 and 2. You will not have to worry about 3, 4 and 5. You will not make $2.04. You will not have to move to Chad.

I feel a little shaky. I’m going to have a drink now.

 

Kisses June 26, 2007

Filed under: Love — Just another writer... @ 5:53 pm

During the few days I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve met some really cool people. They overcame their trepidation and contacted me without fear for their own personal safety and well-being. I admire that. So I am giving them a big KISS.

I know the macho dudes probably won’t even want it, since it’s pink. Those who are secure in their sexuality, feel free to accept it. You won’t catch anything.

Kisses go to the following:

Benjamin Cass who makes rockin’ graphics. He gave me several free ones (see the two on the sidebar and my contest graphic, and also redid my header for me for muy cheap.

Anthony over at Blogging Dosh because he bought an ad from me. I wasn’t going to sell adspace just yet, but he took some initiative and invested in some Bloggrrl real estate. He was nice enough to make the ad fit in with my site, which was nice, because I like things to match, like my shoes.

Sunny at Desi Notes because he is the first person to work with me and exchange some services. He linked me up in exchange for some editing, and I paid him a bit to tweak my code. He is the reason the tabs at the top actually work.

Thanks guys! You will added to my new Kisses page for the foreseeable future.

Kisses for commenters coming up.

 

Doing The Math: I Wish I Hadn’t June 25, 2007

Filed under: Metablogging, Money — Just another writer... @ 12:49 pm

I made two hundred and four cents yesterday with the AdSense ads at the bottom of the sidebar. Since I spent a full working day at the computer writing posts, submitting to directories and teaching myself Photoshop, that would be $2.04/8 = $2.60 an hour. Cool. I’m gonna be rich.

Crud. Screwed up the decimal thingy. It’s $0.26 an hour. And yes, I am the person teaching your children.

So I “worked” all day yesterday and managed to make less than a factory worker in China laboring under slavelike conditions. Nice. I guess I really shouldn’t complain too much about sitting on a chaise lounge in the air conditioning eating strawberry Pocky while I make my 26 cents, though.

I won’t take expenses into consideration. It is too depressing.

However, if I got 30,000 readers, I could quit my job. I don’t know how many readers I currently have, because Feedburner doesn’t like me. At any rate, this is called Counting Your Chickens Before They Hatch. I had some chickens once, but the eggs didn’t hatch because there wasn’t a rooster. City people, you have to have a rooster or your eggs won’t hatch. Remember that so that you’ll be rich if you decide to become an egg mogul.

Currently, I am looking for a reader who wants to be the cash “cow” for my upcoming Cow Patty Bingo Contest. The cow will randomize the entries and select the winner. I am not looking for a rooster. Maybe I should be.

 

11 Mistakes Your Blog Makes In Bed June 24, 2007

Filed under: Metablogging — Just another writer... @ 6:27 pm

A while back, I read an article entitled,40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women. If this is not enough to make a man want to embrace celibacy, I don’t know what is. Of course, what gives it a high “ouch” factor is that some of it is actually true. Reading it, I thought about how some of these things also apply in the blogging world. For example:

1. Not kissing first. Some of you folks out there, and you know who you are, hit people up with links before even saying hi first. Come on. What kind of skank gives it up before even kissing? Jeez. You are put on our mental “Avoid This Creep” list.

2. Ignoring the other parts of her body. Yes, you need to be focused in your niche, if that’s what your gig is. Still, keep in mind that your readers have other needs besides inhaling pure knowledge. They may need to laugh, see a picture or video and, most importantly, feel that they matter to you. Don’t have, um, tunnel vision.

3. Stopping for a break. Unless you are really, really good, we are not going to pick up where we left off. And probably not even if you are that good. So make sure you are posting regularly.

4. Undressing her awkwardly. It looks bad when you are caressing your code and your blog looks jacked up all of the time. It is a sure sign of inexperience. We all have to start somewhere, though, and I am certainly guilty of this myself, being the code virgin that I am. But people do notice.

5. Talking dirty. Moving right along…

6. Going too fast. Many of you are writing about how to install plug-ins, change templates and other geek things. Usually, your directions don’t make any sense to non-coders. Go slow, and make sure your reader enjoys the experience. Plug-ins. Heh.

7. Coming too soon. Don’t think that your reader gets any pleasure out of those posts that take 10 seconds to read. Recite the state capitals in your head so that you last longer.

8. Not coming soon enough. No one wants to read 2000 words about how interesting the Alexa ranking system is. No one.

9. Making her ride on top for ages. Guest blogging is a great thing, and it is always interesting to see new writing on a blog. Just don’t do it very often. Make sure you are doing some work too.

10. Taking pictures. One or two pictures is fine. Lots of pictures is usually not, unless you are a photoblogger or showing a tutorial. It makes it appear as though you are too lazy to write.

11. Not being imaginative enough. I’ve mentioned the importance of experimentation before. Don’t write the same old blah blah. Mix it up a bit.

So there you have it. Enough information to make you feel insecure about your blog for at least a week. Check back later for my article entitled, Why People Really Hate You, And 7 Reasons That Will Never Change. Have a great Sunday!
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Information Improvisation

Gardens can be made a place for entertainment and relaxation by building garden sheds and adding a few swings and swing set accessories. It can be made into a place where children can play frisbee and hand ball without destroying the garden. The garden can be protected by building them in patio garden styles and also in top gardening patio so they kept out of reach of invaders and are not ruined.